


Break

by holier_than_thou



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Hallucinations, Nightmares, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Planet Tatooine (Star Wars), That's Not How The Force Works, and he ll get one, but i dont care, it wont help too much tho, so here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holier_than_thou/pseuds/holier_than_thou
Summary: Obi Wan's life is in ruins and its not getting any better any time soon(summaries? no i dont know how to do that)
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Luke Skywalker
Kudos: 12





	Break

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing anything so pls be nice  
> tw // references to burning alive , depressing thoughts 
> 
> (if there are other tw pls tell me)

I HATE YOU  
And Obi-Wan’s heart shattered. Those three words left him broken and he didn’t think he could ever be repaired. He loved Anakin, there was no denying it now, he just…he just wished he could have told him. But now all that remained of his padawan was hate and searing anger. He should have finished the job, should kill him and not let An- No- Vader suffer but he couldn’t, he couldn’t take his life and he probably never would. So he turned around and took the last piece that remained of his brother, his lightsaber, and no matter how much Vader screamed he didn’t look back.

\------_____------

“Haven’t you murdered enough Skywalkers already?”  
Larrs’ words still echoed in his mind, ripping him apart in ways he never thought possible. The quiet voice inside him whispered harsh truths that he couldn’t handle. Maybe if he had been a better master to Anakin, if he had realized Palpatine’s deceptions earlier, if he’d just been good enough he wasn’t though, he never was. But as always Obi Wan Kenobi forged on, with half a heart and half a soul.  
If Larrs wouldn’t let him visit then he’d just have to make sure everything was alright a different way, he may try to limit his use of the force to avoid being found but he still possessed it.

\------_____------

Obi-Wan sat inside a cave, the smell was horrid but he needed to be somewhere private, and concentrated. He hadn’t meditated since…well since the jedi had been declared enemies of the republic, or more accurately of the Empire, he thought and a bitter laugh escaped him. He felt such hatred for the man that called himself Palpatine, (he was always right there within their grasp and none of them realized and by the time they did it was too late, he had already taken Anakin from them). Jedi didn’t hate but he had always been inadequate.   
He sunk into the force and it was… empty. Oh so empty. It used to be filled with the comforting presence of hundreds of Jedi but now they were gone and it seemed he wasn’t the only one mourning for the force cried with him. His heart broke all over again but he continued. He had a target in mind, he knew logically that nothing had happened, but he’d only needed his life to be teared apart in one moment once to learn his lesson.  
So he forged on no matter how much it hurt.   
He could feel the uneven earth underneath him and he slowly expanded his consciousness through the Force. He felt Mos Eisley and its inhabitants, he felt the Cerean that he had brought food from two days ago, and the twi’lek that he sold his ship to.   
He fell deeper into the force and concentrated on feeling one particular force signature. He looked for the feeling of the sun, innocence and happiness and when he found the boy he could feel the force practically sang around him. The boy was pure light and he remembered the supernova that was no more, Anakin Skywalker, dead on Mustafar. Grief split him in two and maybe, just maybe, he understood Maul for a moment. His brother’s last words were declaration’s of hate towards him and that wound, he thought, might never heal.   
Luke was okay though and that would have to be enough

\----_____-----

One cup of water please  
He pretty much whispered, it was a miracle the bartender even heard but he couldn’t make himself talk any louder. Some days he felt as if even speaking was too much, this was one of those days.  
As he sat there, contemplating how it all went wrong so quickly, he heard a voice he would recognize anywhere.  
The Jedi are enemies of the empire. They are dangerous and shall be eradicated completely. Reporting one will lead to handsome payment, failure to report them on the other hand shall lead to consequences and the punishment… will be severe.  
The Chancellor’s he refused to call him Emperor he wouldn’t give him that satisfaction voice echoed in the cantina. An eerie silence had fallen over the room, the chatter stopped as if time itself had stopped. The news anchor on the holo continued talking but Obi Wan was only half listening, his thoughts run rampant.

He hated that man, if he could even be called that.   
… a Jedi base was stormed yesterday…  
He had taken everything from him, from everybody and he did it right under their noses.   
…four Jedi were apprehended and executed…  
They were too blind, he was too blind to see,   
…the attack was led by the brave…  
if he’d just been bett-  
…Darth Vader…  
His blood run cold  
No, it couldn’t be   
His head started spinning as if the planet’s axis itself had tilted. He felt something hit his back and he thought he might have fallen of his seat but it sounded so far away as did everything else. He must have left the cantina because he was now standing in front of his house (he couldn’t call it home, not really). He didn’t now how he had gotten there and he didn’t care, all he coud do was replay those words in his head.  
..the attack was led by Darth Vader..  
..lead by Darth Vader..  
..by Darth Vader..  
..Darth Vader..  
Vader  
He’d survived, Obi Wan had failed. That monster he once loved was alive and deadlier than ever, all because he was too weak to kill it, to kill Anakin, and no-

Obi Wan

He turned around at the sound of his name. There was no one there. Then he heard it again, a desperate child calling for him from the desert plains. He knew that voice but… how? He should ignore the voice, he shouldn’t dwell on the past but…but the voice sounded so desperate. So he ran, he ran with all his might towards the plains and he saw him.A little blonde boy with the bluest eyes he’d ever seen and he got closer and the eyes weren’t blue. They were gold and so, oh so, angry.

How could you leave me there? You were supposed to protect me!

I- I didn’t – I’m … I’m so very sorry little one.

He could feel hot tears cascading down his cheeks but he didn’t wipe them away, all his attention was on the child in front of him.

You are?

He crouched down to face the child…

Of course little one

…and the eyes were blue, like the sky above them, and everything was right for a moment. And then it wasn’t.  
Obi Wan? What’s happening? It hurts, it hurts so much  
But Obi Wan couldn’t answer, all he could was watch as his padawan started disintegrating and all he could do was listen to his screams of agony. And when there was nothing anymore all around him a voice spoke, the sound of a machine…

You have failed me Obi Wan 

…and he screamed, he screamed for all the dead, for all the lost and for all the injustice. He didn’t know when his screaming turned to sobs but he could not stop.

\-----____-----

If he’d known he wouldn’t have meditated. If he’d known who the force would show him he would have done anything to prevent this but alas he didn’t know and now…

….He could feel the anger, the fire of hate burning inside him begging him to use it  
Obi-wan closed his eyes, tried to ignore the sound from behind him. Heavy breathing, in and out, the sound of a dead friend, a long gone brother, a monster. 

Obi-wan why did leave me there?

Obi-wan could feel tears starting to form in his eyes, he hadn’t felt the presence since…well since Mustafar. Its force signature was so dark yet he could still feel the remnants of Anakin.   
Anakin who brought about the fall of the jedi, Anakin who stormed the temple and slaughtered the next generation of jedi, Anakin who had his back through the clone wars, Anakin who loved too much and cared too deeply, Anakin who he left burn. 

Look at me Master

He couldn’t, he could not and would not look at the monster behind him. His tears were falling freely down his cheeks now but he didn’t care, for the man he considered family was no more, and a black hole had replaced him, Vader, a shadow that destroyed everything that it touched, a machine….

Look at what you’ve made of me

…..that he was responsible for forging.

\-----_____------

HERE RESTS SHMI SKYWALKER   
A free woman

Obi- Wan read the epigraph again and again and again until all the letters started to all blur together. He didn’t want to face her, didn’t want to face his failure but after finding out what had become of his brother, her son, he couldn’t put this off any longer. So he started with the most important words.  
I’m sorry  
and it all spilled out  
I’m sorry for failing him, for failing you, for not being good enough  
I’m sorry for letting your son fall to depths I cannot reach him   
I’m sorry for leaving him to drown  
Tears streamed freely down his cheeks and he let them. He’d been doing that a lot lately.

\-------______-------

The boy run up to him and hugged him. That was unexpected. As he looked at him questioningly the boy just said

You’re always so sad and aunt said that hugging helps so…here

And he just run off.   
He watched the boy disappear into the sunset and realized that he may never heal completely or let go of the past, the pain and the suffering, but he will guard that boy with his own life if necessary. The galaxy’s last hope protected by a broken man. Disappointing as it may be it is all he can offer, after all….  
…the jedi are not magical beings from fairytales. They are human. They bleed. They break.

**Author's Note:**

> im not completely happy with it but i tried so im happy


End file.
